Did your Perimenopause lidido hunker down for the winter with no sign of Summer of Love in sight?
Your perimenopause libido should not be a mystery.
Straight up? SeႿ drive is a sign of health. Physical, mental and/or spiritual.. or all… 🤔
If you have no/low drive, something is off. AND…
It’s okay, you are not alone.
Get Curious and honest. 💞
The body doesn’t lie, so your low libido is a big waving flag to you, that something is off.
Don’t ignore this or shrug it off as just typical or average or common. That’s a lie of modern society.
This part of life doesn’t just magically get better if you ignore it.
Stress is the #1 love killer. Why?
A stress event big or small, triggers the release of hormones, like cortisol and epinephrine, which in high levels can decrease sex drive.
When stress is chronic, the body uses what was supposed to go to our sex hormones, to meet the increased demands of higher cortisol production, therefore decreasing interest in sex.
In addition to the physiological effects of stress, there can also be a psychological aspect. A stressed mind is oftentimes a busy and frazzled mind.
a busy frazzled mind in perimenopause
A busy schedule can also mean a busy mind—and having a lot on your mind can make it difficult to relax and “get in the mood.” Packed schedules may make for difficulties in making the time for sex ,or make it feel like just one more chore on your mile-long to-do list that no one helps you with.
When dealing with low libido, it’s also important to look at the health of your relationship. Studies show that relationship stress and conflicts can be a stronger factor in low libido than other types of stress. This is true for both men and women.
Because their partner’s satisfaction impacts their own libido, a lack of interest from one partner can lead to a lack of interest for both partners.
If a busy lifestyle is behind your stress and low libido, consider making a plan for intimacy. Enter center stage = DATE NIGHT
Dating your partner in Perimenopause
Yes, it may be awkward because it’s been a hot minute since you two were out by yourselves. Oh, and no, you don’t get to talk endlessly about the kids. Nope. Time to talk about yourself and your partner, or skip that to start, and talk about your ideas for planning your next vacation, maybe about your dreams, their dreams, where you are headed as a couple, where are your ideas different and where do they merge, what has changed in the last year because lots changed.
Getting emotionally intimate, is the golden ticket to boost your sex hormones. Maybe not all in 1 date, but choosing to schedule dates regularly, WILL HAVE AN AFFECT on your hormones.
Also, there is nothing wrong with talking to your partner about what you need to feel “sexy” or “in the mood”. Many estrogen soaked brains need to simmer. What does that mean?
Affection vs. sex in perimenopause
Enter stage right – a little romance can make the libido simmer
Affection vs. Sex means that having no physical/emotional affection all week and then expecting to have a libido on Friday night is a no go. You need affection. Little gestures that keep your hormones excited.
So, What do you need? A 10 min back rub before you go to bed on a Wednesday? A hug every evening when you see each other after working hours? For him to tell you your backside is hot (which has nothing to do with your weight BTW). To go for a walk together in the evening? For him to plan the actual date (even though you schedule the time and babysitter)? 😅
One thing here, if that word need is tripping you up. I hear you. When this idea was first introduced to me, I didn’t need anything! I wasn’t a needy person! Ack. I realized it was actually that I wasn’t open to receiving.
Are you open to receiving?
So what do you need? What turns you on? That is a great place to start for yourself. Start figuring out that. Because I guarantee, that if you say to him, “Hey it turns me on when you _________.” 9/10 times he will DO that thing! Repeatedly. And yeah, you might have to remind him. Estrogen soaked brains and testosterone soaked brains function differently (a blog on that in the future!).
Figuring out what turns you on and expressing that to your partner is a win- win. He cannot read your mind and often will not do well at guessing. Tell him. Nicely.
Oh, and blame it on me if he doesn’t understand what is going on. “I’ve been reading about a blog about Stress and Perimenopause and hormones, and she said to tell my partner what I want/ need/ would like because it’s good for my hormone balance”.
Back to receiving in perimenopause
The idea of receiving also incorporates asking for help. From asking anyone to everyone. Why is it so hard to ask for help sometimes? And why am I talking about this in a blog about libido and hormone balance?
It’s one of the ways we manage our hormones. Asking for help is another way of delegating a task that can be done by someone else and letting go of some control. Yep, asking your control freak tendencies to step aside has a hand in receiving and asking for help.
Just get curious around this. Because the best managers know that they need to delegate so they can focus on where to spend their energy. By deciding that you can ask and receive help, you can better manage your busy brain that is trying to just hang on and control everything. It also opens up space for oxytocin to come in. Oxytocin?
Oxytocin in Perimenopause!
Here is where the rubber meets the road. Oxytocin flushes out cortisol. We get Oxytocin when we have long hugs, talk with our girlfriends and the biggest cortisol flush of all is having an orgasm. Good oxytocin and managed cortisol = happier you. Oxytocin is a bonding and feel good hormone.
For more ideas on managing cortisol and increasing oxytocin read this blog.